I had a conversation with a previous colleague, partner and friend not long ago. We talk often and share stories and experiences. We had worked as School - Family Liaisons / In Home Specialists together for 2 years. During that time I had the privilege of mentoring her in the position and we found that we synced on many beliefs and values. We were talking about articles that I have published on this website and ideas for new ones. She asked me to write one about the power and the necessity of “relationship” when working with children. I agreed that it would a be very worthwhile subject since I have believed in this for so long. I have taken many Professional Developments and trainings around the subject and focusing on connection has become second nature in all of my dealings with families. This is so true that I have almost forgotten that it is something that should be discussed often and perhaps unpacked a bit when thinking of practical strategies to present to parents. Having strong relationships with the people around us, especially with our children can go a long way in determining the level of compliance we can expect. Data from years of research in the field have shown that the presence of strong healthy relationships with the adults in a child’s world is a very strong indicator of future mental and physical health, resilience, and general success. Healthy development only happens within good relationships. Building a strong connection with our kids seems like a simple thing, one that should just happen naturally. Even though this is true, there are some key points that we can be aware of that may help to strengthen our skills in this area. Being mindful of some of the following may help to solidify the building of that connection

Relationships and connections are most easily formed when there is common ground. This can be observed in most any budding relationship, The sharing of thoughts and experiences that are common to both parties begins the foundation of connection. Think about when you meet a new person. You likely begin by asking and answering questions that are low risk but help to establish where you may have had common experiences. This is the beginning of building trust. As time goes on and interactions continue, we tend to share things that are closer to the core of who we are. Thus, trust and relationship grow. There is movement by both towards a point of connection. Finding this point of connection can help to move you toward a robust, positive relationship.

Close relationships are built through daily interactions and shared experiences. The more shared experiences, the greater the opportunity the connection has to grow. Being connected and building relationship with another person takes work. In many areas of study, it is noted that what you attend to flourishes. It is kind of like saying that practice makes perfect. Keeping this in mind, we can see that creating mindful interactions with our kids, focusing on things that interest them and fulfill their developmental needs are very powerful ways to create and enhance our connection with them.

Connection and relationship with our children is part of how we, as human beings and family units, are built. It has been said that if we weren’t biologically programmed to love our infants, the human race would have died out a long time ago. So there is already an inherent connection from the very beginning. Growing the relationship requires time. It is not just quality over quantity. In todays world, it can be difficult to find the time we would like to spend with our children (or any other relationship we value). For that reason alone, it seems imperative that we are mindful of how we use the time we do have. Every interaction creates relationship, even the difficult ones. One thing I strongly believe is that every difficulty or challenge is also an opportunity. We can, if we are prepared and thoughtful, use our connection with our kids during challenging times as a tool to teach the necessary skills that our kids will need in order to solve conflicts and challenges as adults. Until children feel connected; however, they may have no real reason to follow guidance. Trust is a large part of that connection and we need to communicate to our kids that they can trust us and that we trust them. They need to see that we believe they can and will behave in the way we ask for. We need to foster connection and with more connection, there can be less need for correction and direction. With our help and guidance, and a commitment to using the time we have thoughtfully, our kids can begin to build their own, intrinsic set of skills to navigate the world and build healthy relationships. Remember, our ultimate job as parents is to model, guide and teach our children the skills they will need in order to be functional, self reliant, contributing members of society. A one on one coaching session could help you to outline your own plan.